The Smoker and I have little nicknames for each other. We call our life together The Tale of City Kitty and Country Pup. The Smoker grew up in a heavily wooded farmland town. Most of his neighbors have horses or chickens. He loves being in the sunshine, reading, hiking and co-existing with the animals. I on the other hand moved to the nearest city at 16, desperate for some excitement and culture. I love museums, art and the anonymity of a city street. I can look anyway I want and more often then not, no one knows me and I like that.
So we finally moved. City Kitty has found somewhat of a happy medium for Country Pup. We have moved back to my hometown. A small all american town. Some new folks and some familiar faces. Already i am hearing some small town gossip. It makes me nervous. The Smoker seems happy here, and that makes me happy. Our apartment is very nice.
The only real problem so far, my lack of motivation. I have this weird thing about needing to feel 100% comfortable and at home before I can create a significant amount of work. I have made a small handful of rings since we moved. THAT’S IT! So this making me a little nervous. I have been making very little money due to my lack of creativity. This is NOT good. I am hoping over the next week or two I will start to feel more at home and inspired.
I think the issue really is that I am not use to having a second floor. I feel weird about using the bedroom as my office space. And we don’t yet have the funds to refinish my small attic space as my office. (My summer project with my Dad’s assistance.) The upstairs is a little creeky. You can here it through the walls. In a paranoid fear of upsetting my neighbors, I rarely go up there. Stupid I know. But that is just part of my weird agoraphobic anxiety shit. I always fear making waves.
I’m sure things will settle in their own right.
In the meantime I keep debating on whether or not I should start to remove the anonymity of this blog. Any advice would be appreciated on this. Part of me says YES! Just be you! Part of me says are you crazy?!? This whole blog is like 4 years of me with no filter! I have no idea what my decision will be yet.
I had this weird moment with one of my boss/clients where she told me what she thought successful people did or didn’t do. She basicly said I am some sad girl who lives with a rain cloud over my head and I shouldn’t be telling people on any form of social media or in life about my failures. While I think there are certain things that don’t belong on Twitter or Facebook, I also think it is completely ridiculous to pretend that everything in your life goes perfectly and never own up to the failures. She is also one of the people in my old city that used people up and threw them away the second they couldn’t do anything for her anymore. It’s gotten so bad that she now has to hire people from other cities to work for her, she’s run through everyone in her own city. I don’t want to be that kind of business entity.
So things are good. I am just trying to find the comfort and my place in this town. My experiences before I left the city were kind of bad. Left me feeling very uncomfortable with trusting people and being myself. I hope this move will be a transformation of sorts for me. Growing and learning never really stop.
Biggigity Switch 